Conflict at work - Dealing with differences constructively

Are you familiar with this situation? One of your teammates makes a comment that is not meant to be hurtful, but it does not go down well with another person. That person says nothing, and neither does the next person, who also finds it uncomfortable. And then the next, and the next, until eventually it all comes to a head and everyone wonders where this major conflict has suddenly come from, when everyone ostensibly had been working well together up to that point. This becomes particularly difficult in diverse teams, where it's often not just a matter of differences of opinion, but of fundamental issues such as identity and discrimination.

But it doesn't have to come to that. Good conflict culture and constructive communication are the basis for an inclusive team culture, which is why we at IN-VISIBLE are introducing a new workshop into our standard program: “Dealing with differences – workshop on conflict management.” We developed it together with our trainer Sonja Langela, who has been studying conflicts in the workplace for years. In conversation, she tells Luka about the typical conflicts that arise in teams, what microaggressions have to do with them, and what AI-supported solution she is currently developing.

Luka: Hi Sonja, I'm delighted to be talking to you today and really excited to hear your perspective. But first, could you start by telling us a little bit about yourself and what connects you to IN-VISIBLE?

Sonja: As you said, my name is Sonja. I started at IN-VISIBLE as an intern in 2021, then worked there as a student, and now I'm a freelancer. I feel very connected to IN-VISIBLE, of course, because of the many years I've been here, but also because of the topics we deal with. I just think it's really important to address the issue of an inclusive work culture.

Conflict at work: What went wrong?

Luka: That fits in perfectly with what we want to talk about today: you've recently developed a workshop on conflict management for IN-VISIBLE. Why is this such an important topic in the workplace? 

Sonja: During my work in the context of diversity and equity, I have noticed that issues surrounding discrimination often lead to conflicts that are very difficult to deal with. Responsibility for addressing and resolving such issues is often shifted onto the individuals affected by discrimination. That's why it's important for an inclusive work culture and for shared learning to discuss as a team how conflicts can be addressed. This is especially true when it comes to discrimination. Of course, we also discuss models and tools that can be applied to other conflict situations. For example, we also talk about nonviolent communication, which is a helpful tool for all kinds of things that are difficult to discuss. But thanks to our expertise at IN-VISIBLE, we focus on the topic of diversity and discrimination in the workplace and the conflicts that arise from it.

Luka: That makes sense! Do you have an example of a typical situation in which teams might need better strategies for conflict resolution? 

Sonja: A common problem, for example, is differing expectations when it comes to the distribution of work, or the feeling that one person is taking on extra work in the team, which then leads to dissatisfaction at some point. Different workloads, different expectations, distribution of resources. But also things like: who gets to go to the conference and why? 

Sonja Langela talks about conflict at work (Photo: Janina Jung)

Why we hate talking about conflict

Luka: Why is this kind of thing so difficult to address?

Sonja: I think addressing these conflicts is difficult for all of us because they often involve life experiences, emotions, and relationships with each other. That makes it all much more stressful than talking about your to-do list, for example. And conflicts can have very different origins; not every difference of opinion turns into a conflict. Stress plays a role. Hierarchies play a role. Structures can cause conflicts, as can expectations and different ways of communicating. Discrimination and different realities of life that may not be understood also come into play here. 

Luka: That kind of ties into a concern that I often hear expressed when it comes to diversity: that diversity would only lead to conflicts. Basically - when different expectations, needs, and life experiences come together, it can't end well, so we'd rather remain homogeneous. Because then there might be less friction.

Sonja: Yes, when different realities and expectations collide, there is naturally potential for conflict. That's exactly why the workshop is called “Dealing with Differences.” Diversity is important and should not be avoided because conflicts could arise. But in order to resolve conflicts, you need a workplace culture that constructively deals with errors and missteps, and for people in your teams to feel psychologically safe enough to address them.

Microaggressions - an overlooked source of conflict

Luka: Let's move on to another topic. In addition to conflict management, the workshop also deals with microaggressions. Can you briefly explain what that means?

Sonja: In short, microaggressions are small comments or gestures that are hurtful and discriminatory, especially because they happen frequently and repetitively. For example, if you're a young woman and people constantly ask you when you’re going to have children, it can add up and become really stressful. Or if people regularly comment on my outfit instead of what I said after a presentation, I feel like I'm not being seen as a competent speaker, and that undermines my self-confidence in the long run. 

Luka: Why did you include the topic of microaggressions in this workshop?

Sonja: Microaggressions are a potential source of conflict, and they clearly show how we sometimes fail to communicate effectively with each other. While one person may not find a particular statement particularly offensive, or may even consider it kind, it can be hurtful to the person on the receiving end. This is because they hear such statements on a daily basis, and there are underlying discriminatory social structures that cast a different light on them. We need to consider these different layers when we talk about conflicts. 

Luka: Yes, that's a really good point. You often hear people say, “I didn't mean any harm,” but when you hear that kind of thing all the time because of certain norms, at some point it doesn't matter what the intention was, it just gets annoying. And my experience at work is that most conflicts that arise in relation to diversity and discrimination are actually like that. Not the big things, the obvious disadvantages, but these supposedly “little things.” What can teams do to deal with this constructively? Can you give us a little spoiler for what participants will be practicing in the workshop?

What do we need to learn for dealing with conflict?

Sonja: One thing we don't do enough and that is actually super important for resolving conflicts is active listening. Often, we just talk past each other and don't understand each other. But if we really want to resolve a conflict, we have to try to understand each other. So here's a tip for the next time you find yourself in a conflict: just try listening to the other person for two minutes. You can nod and use gestures to show your reactions, but don't respond directly. After that, you can ask questions, but really try to understand before you answer.

Luka: I think that's a great tip. It also helps you avoid becoming defensive, which is something that can easily happen when discussing discriminatory statements or microaggressions. Finally, an important question for anyone considering booking a workshop like this: Why does it make sense for companies to offer something like this? What exactly can employees learn?

Sonja: A workshop like this can be a first step in conflict management. Of course, there's a lot more to it than that, but in the workshop we offer a safe environment for trying out communication tools such as active listening and nonviolent communication. We look at the root causes of conflicts and how teams can deal with them constructively. After all, conflicts arise in every team, and it's important to learn how to deal with them before they become too big. The workshop is preventive—if a conflict has already escalated, I would recommend mediation instead.

Using AI to improve conflict communication?

Luka: Mediation is a good keyword, because you don't just do this workshop, you’re also working on other exciting things. To conclude, tell us why you are so knowledgeable about this topic and how else you contribute to conflict resolution in the workplace.

Sonja: The topic comes mainly from my professional experience. After completing my master's degree in change management, I spent the last two years at University of Potsdam, working on diversity and equity. There, I observed how difficult it is to discuss conflicts in teams and therefore dealt intensively with conflict management in the workplace. In recent months, with the help of the EXIST Women start-up grant, I have been working on a digital tool, mediAte, which uses a chatbot to guide two parties through discussing their conflict in a structured and empathetic manner. I am currently testing with users whether such a tool can support conflict resolution. I am not concerned here with the really big, already escalated conflicts that would require human mediation, but rather with the everyday minor conflicts that might be easier to resolve, but can still be a little tricky.

Luka: So it's a kind of neutral party that helps with mediation? 

Sonja: Exactly. The tool structures the conversation, reflects what it hears from the parties involved, and helps to reach a solution. I still believe that face-to-face conversation and independent conflict resolution are the best options, but I'm currently exploring whether a tool like this can be helpful. Anyone who would like to test it is welcome to contact me. We are currently collecting feedback and it is an open process.

Luka: I am definitely excited to see what comes of it. Thank you very much for taking the time for this interview and I look forward to the next workshops with you!

If you would like to contact Sonja, the best way to reach her is via LinkedIn.