If you read the previous parts of our series on gender sensitive language, you already know when to use it and how to choose gender fair nouns. But what if you don’t need to use someone’s name, title or profession, but a pronoun? In this post we are going to explain what pronouns are, how to use them to address everyone respectfully, and how to do it in German, too.
What are pronouns?
Most of you will remember it from school: Pronouns are words that are used in place of or in reference to substantives. In many cases, they are gender neutral (words such as “something”, “who” or “that”), but most personal pronouns are not: “she”, “he”, “hers”, “him” and so on. The technically neutral pronoun “it” is usually not used for humans.
Using the right pronouns: How to use singular “they”
Conveniently, English does have a neutral personal pronoun that has seen increased usage over the past few decades: The singular “they”. Contrary to popular belief, using “they” to refer to a person whose gender is unknown is not a recent invention, but dates back to the 14th century, making it significantly older than the generic masculine we are used to today. And it couldn’t be easier to use, since we are already familiar with the plural form.
Use singular they if you don’t know someone’s gender: “Someone called earlier, they left a message.” or “The customer said it was their bag.” Keep in mind that you can’t always tell someone’s gender from the way they look or sound!
Use singular they if you’re speaking generically: “If someone objects, they can file a complaint.”
Use singular they if you are talking about members of a mixed group: “Every employee is welcome to bring their partner.”
The inflected forms are the same as for plural they (they, them, their, etc.), although for the reflexive form you may also use “themself” instead of “themselves”, to match with “himself” and “herself”.
How to address a nonbinary person
It’s always good practice to ask which pronouns someone uses for themselves, e.g. when you are first introduced. Many nonbinary and some intersex people use neutral pronouns instead of “she” or “he”.
Singular they is by far the most common and can be used for individuals just the same as it is generically: “Luka said they would come by later.” “Please ask Kim, it’s their responsibility.”
Some people might prefer not to use any pronouns and instead only use their name. In this case, simply replace any pronoun with the name: “Alex is going to bring Alex’s friends.”
Some people also use so-called neo pronouns that have been coined in the past couple of decades, e.g. “xe” or “per”. In this case, simply ask how the pronouns are inflected or google it yourself.
How to use gender neutral pronouns in German
Since German lacks an established gender neutral pronoun (“es” is not usually used for humans, same as the English “it”), if you need to speak German it can be a little bit more tricky to avoid gendered pronouns. If you’re speaking generically or don’t know someone’s gender, the easiest way is to establish a neutral substantive, such as “der Mensch” or “die Person”, and then use the corresponding pronoun. So instead of saying “Der Mann, der gerade hier war.” you might say “Die Person, die gerade hier war.” Alternatively, you can also use gender signs, such as the asterisk, similar to the way they’re used in nouns: “Der*die Kund*in hat gesagt…”
To address individuals, ask their pronouns just like you would in English. Many nonbinary and some intersex people use their name as a pronoun, and singular they (sometimes pronounced and written as “dey”) is also increasingly popular. Unlike in English, however, singular they can not be used to refer to someone generically.
What if I misgender someone?
Using the wrong pronoun or other gendered word for someone is called misgendering and can be particularly hurtful for trans, nonbinary and intersex people. However, if you’re sincerely trying, most people will not judge you for taking some time to get used to someone’s pronouns. So if you make a mistake, simply apologize briefly, correct yourself and try to do better next time. If you notice someone else using the wrong pronoun, it’s good practice to gently correct them. Many people are not used to neutral pronouns yet, but language is ever changing and the more we try to make it more gender fair, the easier it becomes for everyone.
"How do I use pronouns correctly?" is part of a series
This article about using the right pronouns is the third part of our series "How do I use gender inclusive language?". The first article deals with the question of when it makes sense to use gender inclusive .language. The second article presents various options for gender-neutral writing. There is also an article on gendering and accessibility, an important topic for anyone who wants to communicate inclusively.